


ily

by jjukyumiz



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Developing Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, I can't believe I did this, Light Angst, M/M, Young Love, beomjun are hopeless romantics, soogyu roommates all four years of uni because i can
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:09:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28331403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjukyumiz/pseuds/jjukyumiz
Summary: love/ləv/noun1. an intense feeling of deep affection.verb1. how i feel for you from afar
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun
Kudos: 55





	ily

**— prologue.**

If there’s anything Choi Beomgyu seeks more than anything in the world, it’s true love. It’s cliche, yes, but one dares to dream. 

Beomgyu has been the one chasing for God knows how long. He’s had many dates and people ready to court him, but no one has been a right fit so far.

His first ever date happened in middle school. Worst decision of his life. It was your typical “girl-likes-boy-so-everyone-tries-to-get-them-together” situation. Beomgyu just went along with it because that’s the kind of guy he is. He plays along.

They went to an ice cream parlor, he paid. The atmosphere was too awkward for anything that he couldn’t bear with it anymore and just told her, “sorry I can’t do this.” 

Exhibit B comes from freshman year of high school. A nice guy, Sungtae, asked him out and they went to an arcade. He felt nothing. There was not a second date.

Beomgyu went on occasional dates all throughout high school but none of them stuck. His most memorable moment was getting love letters from a certain boy that he never found out who sent them. They would appear in his locker every morning, and maybe it was the highlight of his day to read them.

Maybe.

Going into college, Beomgyu completely gives up the idea of finding a partner and just decides to dedicate everything to his studies. Freshman year went well with no distractions. Sophomore year, a few crushes but nothing too serious.

Then junior year. Where it all went downhill.

Choi Yeonjun. A little jerk.

He was the wrong guy to fall for, and Beomgyu knows that. Things began in an awful way.

* * *

**— act one. nice to meet you.**

“I need help.” A book slams down onto Beomgyu’s desk, startling him. He looks up to meet eyes with a boy sporting hazardous yellow hair.

“Why is your hair yellow? Like, it’s not blonde, it’s literally yellow.” Beomgyu asks. He sits back in his chair and taps the pen in his hand against his bottom lip.

“You’re a little brat, you know that?”

“And you’re a jerk, we even out,” Beomgyu clears his throat, “What do you want?” The older pulls a chair up and sits in it so that the supporting back is in front.

“I’m failing English. I know you’re good at it, so could you please help me study? I have a test next week and if I literally don’t know anything that’s going on.” He pleads, pulling out his puppy dog eyes.

“What do I get out of this?” Beomgyu raises an eyebrow. 

“I’ll do anything you want.”

Beomgyu ponders. “Fine.” 

`

The two exchanged numbers and decided to meet up at the library for the first study session. Yeonjun insisted on having one right away.

The squeaking of the chair legs against the polished floor gives Beomgyu a glare from the librarian. He mouths a quick ‘sorry’ and ducks his head.

“Let’s get started, shall we?”

“Hm?” Yeonjun hums. 

“Oh my God, would you get off your phone,” he snatches the device from the other’s hands, placing it screen down on the other side of the table. “A ‘We Bare Bears’ case?”

“It’s a good show! You can’t tell me you don’t like it.” 

“Whatever,” Beomgyu laughs, “Get out your notebook, we have a lot to go over.”

`

“I still don’t get it.” Yeonjun conveys. “The grammar thing is too difficult.”

“It’s really not, you just don’t understand where commas go.” Beomgyu observes.

“I know perfectly well where commas go! The grammar problems are impossible,” Yeonjun whines. 

“Let me see.” Beomgyu scoots his chair closer to him, peering over to his notebook. 

He should’ve looked up before because he realized a little too late how incredibly close they are. Shoulders touching, knees knocking, breaths mixing in the air.

Yeonjun pushes the spiral notebook to the dark haired and looks at him.

Beomgyu whirs. “You got most of them right, you just missed a few. I’m telling you, you have to learn where to put your—”

They are only a few centimeters apart. And Beomgyu realizes it too late when Yeonjun’s lips are slightly parted and he’s looking at his.

Yeonjun leaned in first. 

`

“Are you seriously not going to school anymore?” Soobin exclaims. “You can’t hide away forever, you know.” 

“Watch me.” Beomgyu sticks out his tongue at his roommate and walks to the kitchen to pour himself cereal.

The very first, and presumably last, study session took place on Friday. It is now the following Monday and Beomgyu has made a decision that he will not attend school so he can avoid a certain Choi Yeonjun. 

“It was a kiss, it’s not that big of a deal—”

“It was not a kiss! It was a peck, and it didn’t even last two seconds! Also, it is a big deal, and _you_ should stop talking and get to class.” Beomgyu caps the milk carton and puts it back in the fridge.

“Beomgyu, was he your first kiss?” Soobin questions. 

“You don’t need to know that.” A spoon goes into the bowl.

“I’ve been your roommate for three years, I don’t get to know if he was your first kiss?” Soobin blurts. From this he earns a glare from the younger. 

“Okay, I don’t need to know that.” Everyone knows better not to mess with a grumpy Beomgyu, especially one who’s in an oversized gray hoodie and eating cereal at 10AM.

“Just,” the taller starts, “be on top of things. Ask someone in your classes for homework. I’ll be back at lunch.” Soobin puts on his coat and bids goodbye.

Two minutes later, Beomgyu gets a call from a random number. Might as well pick up, he has nothing better to do for a couple hours.

“You can’t avoid me forever, you know.” His eyes widen.

“What the fuck? Why didn’t it show your contact name?” 

“Because I’m smart in areas that aren’t English,” Yeonjun scoffs. “Can we please talk?”

“No. Have a nice day.”

“Beomgyu!” 

“There’s nothing to talk about! Oh, and I don’t think I can teach you grammar anymore—”

“Beomgyu.”

He sighs. “Yes?”

There’s a hint of hesitation in the small stutters of the voice coming from the other side of the line. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking at that moment, and something just took over me. I didn’t mean for anything to happen in the library other than you helping me with English. I’m sorry.”

Beomgyu stares at his empty bowl of cereal. “It’s fine,” his voice cracks a bit. “Did you regret it?”

He shocks himself. Why did he ask that? 

“No,” Yeonjun said immediately, almost offended. “I didn’t. And I don’t.” 

“Hm. Okay.” 

“I don’t because I,” Yeonjun stops. 

A knock comes from the door. “Sorry, one second.” Beomgyu puts himself on mute and goes to open the door. 

Lo and behold, a yellow haired boy stands before him.

“I don’t because I like you.” He confesses.

* * *

**— act two. what went wrong?**

After talking for hours on end, the two boys finally came to this result: Yeonjun likes Beomgyu. Beomgyu is willing to try to commit to him. But they’ll take things slow so nothing feels rushed.

The first few weeks went well. Yeonjun made it very obvious and had no shame in the fact that he was courting Beomgyu. He was picking him up and dropping him off, getting lunch and snacks for him, and trying his best at flirting and wooing without feeling embarrassed himself. It failed most of the time.

After weeks of asking, Beomgyu finally said yes to Yeonjun’s offer of being his boyfriend. Much to the campus’ dismay, they were more loud about their relationship.

Throughout the couple’s time together, many remains were scattered. Pictures taken, gifts bought, announcements shared. 

Some a little too overboard.

Beomgyu realized that Yeonjun would tell the smallest details of a simple date to a classmate nearby, or overshare to his friends about what being in a relationship with him is like. 

Incoming Christmas break, Beomgyu doesn’t feel as excited anymore. The adrenaline rush from the first date is gone. The admiration for the littlest things has diminished. Everything seems normal now. But now there’s a human being taking up every single second of his time.

On Christmas day, Yeonjun tells Beomgyu to meet him at the bus stop. He gets there a little earlier than the time set, but that was a little purposeful. There’s no snow but the sky is dark. It’ll probably rain soon.

Beomgyu sits down on the bench and sighs, exasperated. 

He’s tired. Tired of pretending everything’s perfect. Tears threaten to fall, so he lets them. 

“Gyu! I got you something—are you crying?” Yeonjun appears. He sits himself down next to the boy.

Beomgyu doesn’t look at him. He just keeps letting the tears go down his face. The clouds start crying too.

The rain is ignored and both of them are getting drenched.

“Hey, Gyu, look at me,” Yeonjun places his hand on Beomgyu’s back but the latter flinches. 

“Don’t,” he croaks out. 

“Baby, just tell me what’s wrong,” Yeonjun says, softly.

“Don’t call me that.” Beomgyu stands up. He sniffles.

“Beomgyu—”

“Why are you doing this?” 

Yeonjun’s taken aback. “...What do you mean? Doing what?”

“This!” Beomgyu cries. “Us! Why did you want to pursue me so bad?”

“You know why.” Yeonjun’s voice becomes stern.

“At this point, I don’t think I do. Why do you have to show off everything that happens? Why do you have to post pictures all the time? Why do you spoil and pamper me with things that I don’t even want?” Beomgyu exclaims.

“Because I love you.” Yeonjun gulps. The three words everyone loves to hear. Except, Beomgyu doesn’t want it right now.

He bitterly laughs. “No you don’t. You don’t love me, you love the idea of me. You love the image of being in a relationship with someone. That’s why you rushed into this quickly. That’s why you post about me every day, that’s why you tell people every single detail about me. You want the whole world to know, ‘hey, I’m with someone.’” Beomgyu sighs. It hurts more because he knows he’s right.

Yeonjun stills. He’s defeated.

Beomgyu takes in a deep breath. “I’m breaking up with you.”

The former fiddles with his fingers. “Yeah, I figured.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

Beomgyu wipes the last of his tears and starts walking away. 

Before he exits completely, he turns around and wishes, “Merry Christmas.”

Yeonjun was the wrong guy to fall for.

* * *

**— act three. surprise.**

It’s senior year. Christmas Day once again. Beomgyu has moved on. For the most part.

He won’t admit he misses him. Not today, at least.

It’s December again, and Beomgyu’s spending the last few days before break cramming in everything so there’s nothing left to do during his time off of school.

“Take a break,” Soobin calls. They’re still roommates.

“No, I’m almost done.” Beomgyu snaps.

“I have something for you.” Soobin perks up. “You’re not going to like it, but please don’t hate me for it.” 

“What is it?” Beomgyu asks, eyes still on his laptop. Soobin makes a ‘tsk’ sound with his mouth, annoyed. He walks over and places his hands on either side of Beomgyu’s head and spins it forcefully so that he’s looking at him.

“Look me in the eyes, Beomgyu. Stop looking at your screen, I will literally chuck your computer out the window if you don’t listen to me.” He threatens.

“I’m listening.”

“Go to the bus stop this afternoon at four. My present will be awaiting.” Soobin lets go of his head.

“You know, I’m getting a sort of déjà vu from that.” Beomgyu raises an eyebrow. He spins in his chair away from his desk and leans back to observe his towering roommate in front of him.

“Well, find out and see what happens.”

`

Finishing all his work at the deadline of 3:28, Beomgyu finally relaxes. He picks a simple outfit to wear out to the bus stop, and gets there earlier. Again.

More of a déjà vu. 

Beomgyu sits down at the bench and looks around. There is snow everywhere. A white Christmas. He breathes a heavy breath, fog coming out of his mouth. 

“Beomgyu.” A voice says behind him.

The said boy stands up and whips around, finding a familiar person standing in front of him. He smiles a pained smile.

“Your hair is pink now.” He notes.

Yeonjun touches his hair, letting out a chuckle. “Yeah.”

“It’s nice seeing you, Merry Christmas!” Beomgyu bestows.

“I’m Soobin’s present.” 

His smile falters. “W-what?”

“He planned this. But in his defense, I annoyed him for the past few months.” Yeonjun steps one step closer. He clears his throat.

“I’m in love with you.” He professes.

“You said that last time.” Beomgyu whispers.

Yeonjun lets out a dry laugh. “No, I didn’t. Last time, I said, ‘I love you.’ What’s the difference?” He quizzes.

Beomgyu bites his lower lip. “‘I love you’ versus ‘I’m _in_ love with you.’” 

Another step closer. Yeonjun smiles.

“I was naive. And every word you said was right, anyone who was there would’ve said the same. But I’m glad it came from you.” 

One step.

“There’s a big difference between ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m in love with you’. ‘I love you’ means I want you to be happy,” Yeonjun voices. 

“‘I’m in love with you’ means I want you to be happy even if it’s not with me.” 

Beomgyu’s breath hitches. 

“I realized that this year.”

Another step.

“You weren’t happy with me, Gyu-ah. But a year has passed now and looking from afar, I have never seen you smile this much.”

Beomgyu laughs. “I’m not with anyone, if you’re wondering.” This time, _he_ takes a step.

“No, I know.” 

One step.

The two are a few inches apart from each other, both looking into each other’s eyes. Snow starts to fall around them.

“I just want you to be happy, Beomgyu.” Yeonjun announces. “I have something for you.”

The older digs pulls out a small envelope from his pocket. “Remember those love letters you got from high school?”

Beomgyu’s eyes widen. “How did you know about those?”

“They were from me.”

Suddenly, everything goes quiet. The vehicles on the road, the birds in the sky, the people walking by. Like time stood still.

“You went to my high school?” Beomgyu quieres.

“That’s what you focus on?” Yeonjun laughs. “I did. I wasn’t in any of your classes. You just looked so pretty to me.” He hands him the red envelope.

“This is my last letter. From me to you.” Yeonjun sighs. “Merry Christmas, Beomgyu.” He smiles. Briefly caressing his thumb, he walks away. 

Beomgyu tears the paper, revealing a small piece of paper.

`

“Don’t.”

Yeonjun turns around to see a panting Beomgyu.

“Don’t watch me from afar anymore. Don’t look out for me from afar. Don’t wish for my happiness from afar, don’t.” He declares. “I want you to take care of me. I want you to look after me, I want you to spoil me.”

“Don’t do it from afar.”

Yeonjun can’t move. He can’t believe what he’s hearing. 

“What?”

“I can wait. I’ll wait for you.” Beomgyu pipes.

Yeonjun’s astonished. “What?” 

Beomgyu giggles. He runs up and jumps onto the older. He circles his arms around Yeonjun’s neck and wraps his legs around his waist. 

Pulling back, he rests their foreheads against one another’s. Yeonjun holds onto Beomgyu’s waist.

“I’m in love with you.”

* * *

**— act four. then and now.**

They took their time figuring things out. It was Yeonjun courting Beomgyu all over again, but with a little more indulgence on Beomgyu’s side.

It was the smallest things that were paid more attention to. Good morning and goodnight texts, compliments, knowing smiles from across the room. A little less outgoing and a lot more sweet.

It took two days for Yeonjun to say yes to Beomgyu’s proffer to be his boyfriend. He hesitated the first day, wondering if they were jumping into things too fast. Beomgyu scoffed at him.

“I’ve dated you before, I really don’t care.”

“What if I fuck up again?”

“You won’t. If you think you’re going to, I wouldn’t be here.”

The next morning, Yeonjun got woken up at six in the morning. His hair going in all directions and his shirt winkly, Yeonjun opens the endless knocking coming from the door. Beomgyu was on the other side with a box of chocolates in his hands. 

“Good morning!”

“I’m not eating chocolates for breakfast, if that’s what you’re here for.”

“Jerk.”

Yeonjun sleepily went back into his bed, comfortable. Until a human dropped themselves on top of him. Beomgyu straddled him while he was still laying down.

“Gyu!”

“Be my boyfriend.” He blurts out.

Yeonjun sighs. He holds Beomgyu’s waist with his left hand and runs his fingers through his dark hair with the other. “Are you sure you want this?”

“More than anything I ever have and will.”

`

Beomgyu can say it now. 

Yeonjun was the right guy to fall for.

* * *

**— epilogue.**

_To: Beomgyu_

_Merry Christmas, Gyu-ah. Are you doing well? It’s been a year since you’ve seen me, I hope it wasn’t too out of the blue. I need to tell you a few things._

_I love you and I’m in love with you._

_I love you as a person, as someone I appreciate. I love you for who you are and who you aspire to be. I love you from your head to your toes. I love you in all ways platonic and romantic._

_I’m in love with your personality. The way you’re so caring and generous, always thinking about others before yourself. I’m in love with your smiles, your laughs, your talents. I’m in love with the way you talk, how you express things no matter what anyone else thinks._

_I was incredibly stupid last year, and I hope you can forgive me._

_I’ll be watching you from afar. I love you._

_Your secret admirer (not really anymore),_

_Choi Yeonjun_

**Author's Note:**

> there's a big difference between 'i love you' and 'i'm in love with you'.
> 
> @beomjuniz on twt
> 
> \+ the epilogue is yeonjun's last letter to beomgyu


End file.
